I was praying earlier, and asked God for something I've asked Him for before. I asked to be rid of the darkness that seems to blight everything I do.

It's like having an extremely annoying nagging person inside me, who is always taking away from everything I enjoy and telling me what to do and what not to do. It is never satisfied and, if I get too laid back, will always bring me back down to earth with a bump and remind me that I'm far too terrible, or non-existent, a Christian to be laid back. "You don't pray enough! You don't read the Bible enough! You don't live God's way enough! How dare you be calm and happy?"

I think God is maybe telling me to dream outside the darkness. I believe in miracles. Enough of them have happened in my life, like the return of my passion for football, and the way something, when I was a teenager, would always grab hold of me in a wave of buzzing excitement and pull me out of my problems and stagnation. I believe God wants me to put my hope in something, or someone, coming to save me. I know Jesus has already come and He has saved me from death and hell, but I believe God is going to offer me salvation from the painful hand that this life has dealt me as well, because He is faithful and wants me to be happy.

I received a prophecy when I was 16, telling God to give Him my passion, and He would give me His. I pray for this to happen all the time, and I believe it is happening, and will happen in a way that I will be able to look back on at the end of my life and say "Oh look - there was God and His passion." The prophecy promises that God will direct my life so I will glorify Him and fulfil myself, and I believe it. I'm waiting for it to happen. It is already happening - I'm more fulfilled and optimistic than I have been for a long time. I believe the pain will be taken away, and I just have to be patient.

I also believe I can prepare myself by dreaming about what it might be, and I think God wants me to do this. So I'm going to spend time imagining a time when I don't have this pain, when either a person in my life, or a thing in my life, has blown it all out and I feel normal again:) I know this is possible, because I lived without this darkness for years. Even though it feels like part of me now, I firmly believe it won't be for much longer. Certainly not forever. I wonder what (or WHO...) will do the trick?:)

I also have to trust God to sort this out in His time, and not panic when it doesn't happen overnight, or assume I prayed wrong or something: and I don't need to lie to myself and say it's gone when it hasn't. God knows what's going on, and the Bible says He's answered our prayers before we've even spoken them.

So, that's my Christian thought for the day. I hope someone else found it inspiring. Thank you, Jesus.

God bless, Jenni xx